Everyone remembers "Balloon Boy," right?
No. What's a balloon boy?
You know, the kid who was supposedly trapped in a hot air balloon that looked like a Jiffy Pop container soaring through the Colorado sky in the middle of October about three years ago. It was literally live on all the cable news networks for hours, was the inspiration for millions of clever Halloween costumes and always is a 10 point question for me during Stump! Trivia.
Ohhh, that balloon boy.
Great, glad everyone is up to speed.
So, in addition to being a glutton for attention and having a flair for the dramatic, Balloon Boy's dad is sort of a mad scientist. In addition to crafting the elaborate lie that was the entire Balloon Boy incident, Richard Heene has invented some…well…stuff.
You're probably thinking a guy that crazy most likely came up with something like the Roomba, or P90x, or SlapChop. (we know he didn't come up with the ShamWow – that was the Germans – according to Vince.)
Heene is more interested in stuff no one can use. For instance, he invented a robot that can lift stuff onto your truck.
Wait, that sounds kind of useful.
Yeah, it would be really useful if it didn't cost as much as the truck.
He also invented the Bear Scratch. It's this thing you can attach to a post that simulates what a bear feels when it's scratching its back on a tree in the woods.
But I like having skin on my back.
Yeah, that's what I said too.
So what has Heene invented this time? It's called Your Shake Down and it'll help you get every last dollop of condiment out of condiment bottles.
Yes everyone, the memo about just smacking the 57 on the bottle with a knife didn't make its way to Colorado.
In a new video posted on YouTube, Heene dons a bathrobe and tries to peddle the device that's half meat grinder, half orthodontics. (Seriously, did anyone ever have those rubber band things on their braces?)
Wait, a second. Back up. Why is he wearing a bathrobe?
You're seriously asking me that question about a guy who faked the disappearance of his own child to get a reality show?
My qualm with the video is that, in addition to the bottles on his counter that actually look like they've been washed, the testimonial peanut butter jar still has peanut butter sticking to the inside -- even the peanut butter is a hoax with this guy.
Heene estimates that the device will save you, and I quote, "11 ketchup packets" per bottle of ketchup. Who can put a price on that sort of thing? Especially when they give you an actual 11 ketchup packets with every value meal at McDonalds. It's quite literally priceless.
Now, in fairness to Heene, the video is in the "Comedy" category on YouTube – but on the product's Website he's asking for real money. So who knows what's going on here.
Despite a link on HuffingtonPost.com, the 30 second YouTube video has been viewed a mere 215 times. The full 1 minute version (containing bonus peanut butter footage) has more than 4,000. (As of Tuesday evening)
Oh, and if anyone gets one for, say a Yankee Swap, this holiday season send a Tweet to @fox25doug. I really want to see this thing at an actual person's house. Bonus points if you're in your bathrobe while using it.
© 2016 Cox Media Group.
âBalloon Boyâsâ dad dons bathrobe, peddles condiment shaker
Judge faces deadline on $15B Volkswagen emissions deal
Report: Gunmen still control metals mined for modern gadgets
How autism in girls may help reveal the disorder's secrets
Hundreds celebrate lives of teens killed in wrong-way crash